Every time I hear this song on my playlist, it hits me right in the feelings. I think of my anxiety as a little creature that lives inside my brain (I refer to this creature as Brian) and when he comes out to play, it often causes me to go silent. Brian likes to work in spirals for me, kind of like water circling a drain, and he will bring me back to the same places all day if I let him.
One of my biggest anxiety triggers is my fear of other people’s perceptions. Throughout my life, I have often found myself in situations where I have been misunderstood, whether it comes down to miscommunication, poor social skills, or straight up wrong timing. Logically, I know I can’t control how others perceive me, but that lack of control makes me spend hours rehearsing and preparing interactions before they happen, or alternatively, ruminating on conversations after they happen. This is usually done silently in my head-you’d never know I was struggling except by an absent stare on my face while Brian circles the drain again.
Over the years, I’ve found a few methods to help me with dealing with Brian:
- Distraction-If I can keep my hands and mind busy, it gives me less space to give to Brian. This often looks like cooking, cleaning, or spending time in a conversation with a good friend.
- Reframing-I try to reframe things by actively challenging negative thoughts by writing them down and then writing down positive, realistic alternatives. If I worry that the other person perceived me as weird, I write down a funnier perception they could have had.
- Scheduling-Yup, this one sounds weird, but it works for me! I dedicate a specific time and amount of time I’m allowed to deal with Brian. If it’s not during that time frame that I’m having anxiety, I tell him he has to circle back later.
- Focus on Priorities-If I’m having a really bad day with Brian, I remind myself what really matters. At some point, I made a list of my priorities in life in order-my family, my mental health, and my friends. If what I’m worrying about doesn’t affect any of those things, I give myself permission to let it go.
- Focus on what I can Control-Some days, Brian just wins. On those days, I have to focus on what is actually under my control in the present. There are very few things that I can control, but I can actively choose to feel happy.
Overall, I have a good pile of coping skills to deal with my friend Brian, thanks to a slew of therapists, and I do my best to keep him at bay, but it’s never a bad idea to have conversations with the health professionals in your life if your anxiety is taking control of you.
– Lacey
